You know what I hate? People who blog

You know what I fucking hate? People who blog about every goddam thing that they do. 'OMG guess what I did today? I took a walk and got a lemon water ice from Rita's!" FUCK YOU!! Like i give a rat's ass what the fuck you did today. It's one thing to blog every once in a while about something cool that happened, but for the people who blog every day about all the meaningless shitastic shit they do? Kiss my ass. I'd rather watch paint dry than read about what the fuck you had for breakfast.

Blogging is probably the most narcissistic shit that's ever happened to this country. Everyone thinks they're the center of the fucking universe and everyone thinks people give a fuck about it. Well guess what. NO ONE CARES!!!! FUck you and the fucking eggs you cooked this morning. FUck you and the old cocksucker on the subway that gave you a weird look.


And you know what else I hate? Cooking blogs.
I don't give a fuck that you figured out another goddamn way to make macaroni and goddamn cheese. Thanks for telling the whole world that this new fucking recipe you 'discovered' aka found as your fatass leafed through another fucking issue of goddamn cooking for homos magazine. Oooh, add a sprig of parsley. FUCK YOU parsley doesnt make mac and cheese taste better you hippy cunt.

And another thing. I don't need to hear about every goddamn restaurant you ever fucking go to. I swear to god. "I just had a twinkie from the A-Plus down the road. It was yumm-o." Fuck you shit for brains dumb fuck. Some of these blogs i read will describe every fucking restaurant in the universe as 'quaint' and 'cute.' LEARN SOME FUCKING NEW WORDS ANUSBREATH!! Not every goddamn restaurant is quaint. Also, when you say something is 'yummy' you sound like a retard.

The people who read these blogs religiously must be fucking mental patients. Ooooh, what is Ms. Yummy Tasty Treat going to tell us next.....did she eat something good by any chance? she did? HOLY SHIT!!! I was thinking she would blog about the fucking crusty turkey burgers she pulled out of the back of her freezer that were covered in permafrost and that she heated up in the microwave and ate with an old packet of delivery chinese soy sauce.

FUCK YOU bloggers, go fuck yourself and no one gives a flying rat's ass about your shit.

You know what i hate? "Smart" phones

In reality, these annoying obnoxious pieces of shit should be called retard phones, because once someone gets their hands on one, they turn into a fucking lab rat continually hitting the pellet bar for more food. OMG I GOT A TEXT!!! OMG AN EMAIL! OMG MY DUMB ASS FRIEND JUST TOOK HIS TURN ON 'WORDS WITH OTHER RETARDS!"

OMG FUCK YOU YOU'RE AN IDIOT AND I HOPE YOUR PHONE EXPLODES ON YOU!

Seriously, once someone gets a retard phone, their whole life revolves around the damn phone. And what for? What important emails are you getting? What business related issues are you resolving on that thing? Oh right, the most important thing you've received on that thing was notification of a sale at Macy's. Because you're a fucking tool who's so fucking self involved and self important that you HAVE to look at that stupid thing every four seconds to make sure you're not getting an email from some useless person talking about crap!! OF COURSE!!


It's gotten to the point where i dont even WANT a goddam retard phone because i don't want to sink to the frankenstein level of these brainless dumbasses who have their phones glued to their hand because they're constantly checking it. Fuck that, fuck you people.

You know what I hate? Flying.

No, it's not that I have a fear of flying. I can't FUCKING stand traveling by airplane for numerous other reasons. I'd rather stick my goddamn head in an oven than subject myself to the tortures that come along with traveling anywhere in the air. Let's review all the shitastic ways I hate it....

1. Security checks.

Quick. Take everything out of your pockets, take your jacket off, take your shoes off, take your laptop out, take your socks off, take your pants off, get ass raped by the strip search dude.... oh wait, then have those dildo security people paw through all your shit and tear apart all wrapped packages-- then have them leave it in complete FUCKING disarray. Oh, and do all of this at the fucking speed of light because they only have ONE GODDAM ASS FUCKING LANE OPEN AND THERE ARE 700 PEOPLE IN LINE! FUCK you terrorists, you stupid pieces of ass loving shit. I hope you motherfuckers all die of gonorrhea and rot in hell for making me have to go through this fucking obnoxious rigamarole.

Oh, and all your liquids have to be less then .4oz and they, for some stupid fucking reason, need to be in a plastic bag. I got news for you assholes, plastic explosives can be shoved in a shampoo container and STILL do damage at less than 3oz. You are doing absolutely nothing by forcing everyone to do this shit except pissing me off and wishing all of you caught the plague. FUCK you and your useless policies, and fuck you terrorists yet again for causing these dumbfuck policies.

2. The Overhead Compartment Asshole Race for Space

This one really didn't get too bad until airlines because raping everyone without lube by charging you fucking $600 per checked bag. What. The. Fuck. As if we're not paying enough already to fly in these fucking cramped pieces of shit-- now we get to pay extra for checking luggage. Well, all THIS has done is cause everyone to bring on 4000 carry-ons (which NONE of airport check-in or security ever makes anyone check), which inevitably takes up MY fucking overhead compartment space. FUCK you for cramming all your shit in the closest 4 compartments around you. DId you think that they'd go unused? No, becuase we dont want to pay the ass raping fees either, but we dont need to travel with a purse, a bookbag, a laptop case, a suitcase and a fucking dog.

Or, my favorite:


One time, I came to my seat to find that some flaming herpes infested asshole had put his GUITAR in MY overhead compartment-- longways. Really? REALLY???? And, to put the icing on the shit cake, this dumb fuck was sitting like 7 rows back! Not even in the same row, or close to it. What kind of a turdball does that and thinks it'll be ok? I wanted to shove the guitar up his ass then throw him off the fucking plane. And did the flight attendants make him CHECK it like they should have? No. Of course not. Assholes.

3. Kids

I hate kids pretty much anywhere, but on a plane they are the fucking WORST thing in the entire world. I'd rather have a plague of locusts set loose inside the plane than have some snotty fidgety little shitstains behind me kicking my seat for 6 straight hours. Parents, listen. It's called Valium. Give it to your little brats or else I'm going to turn around and smack them with the guitar from my overhead compartment. FUCK YOU. I wish it was still 1960 so i could hit other people's kids. Fuck that would be great.

Fuck you little pieces of shit. I hope you choke on those shitty stale pretzels.

4. Babies

Ok so i know babies technically are kids, but they deserve a hating category of their own. I realize that they don't know what's going on, and that it's not (usually) the parent's fault they're crying. But a crying baby on a plane is on par with having my fucking eyes gouged out with a butter knife. I hate them. There should be a "baby only" section of the plane where the only people who are forced to listen to that shit are other parents who are dick enough to BRING a goddam baby on a plane. Leave the little fucker at home! JEsus it's called a fucking babysitter!! GET ONE! Or just drug your baby. That works too, as long as he doesn't wake up during the flight.

I HATE BABIES. GIVE HIM SOME FUCKING COUGH SYRUP OR SOMETHING!!

5. The Rampant Tuburculosis

Ok so clearly no one has TB, but it sure as fuck sounds like it does. Why is it that like EVERYONE on every plane i've ever been on hacks like a motherfucker? I probably wouldn't care as much if the plane weren't a fucking disease box that only recycles air and lets no fresh air in. Especially the really gross ass wet hacking coughs that you know are just laced with AIDS and the plague. They should make hackers wear those Dutch sick masks. Fuck you for flyign when you're sick. You should be punished.

This guy is doing society a favor by keeping his Diptheria with HIM and him only.

There are a shitload of other things I hate about flying, but I'm too lazy to list the rest. I can't stand that shit. If everything on this list could be eliminated, it might actually be a not-so-horrible experience, but the only way that would happen is if i have my own private jet. And clearly that will be happening in the near future. FUCK you flying.